Raising Children To Be Confident, Not Cocky
We want our children to be self-assured. We want our children to be proud of who they are; their skills and their accomplishments. Self-confidence is an attractive quality that we want our children to possess. But, what we don’t want, is for them to be cocky. What we don’t want is for them to so self-satisfied that they end up making others feel bad, indifferent or uncomfortable.
Some of you might say that if my child is uncomfortable with your child’s talents and apparent successes, that this is my child’s problem and not something that your child caused or should feel ashamed about. Others would contend that it is your child’s constant boasting and “I’m better than you” attitude that has caused such discouragement in my child. Obviously, there are two sides to the coin here, and the blame can fall and be attributed to either side, depending upon how, and by who, the coin is flipped.
It is my opinion that there are certain beliefs held by children who are confident, yet remain humble. As parents, we should take the time to review these and decide if our children know, understand and hold these beliefs about confidence to be true.
The thing about our beliefs is that they begin to take shape inside of us when we are children. In relation to our kids, this means that as parents, we need to teach, explain and encourage, positive beliefs that our children will hopefully maintain throughout their life. There may be some slight modifications as they age and their values, preferences and opinions change based on their own experiences, but the general makeup of their belief is established, by and with us, when they are young.
Below is a list of beliefs about “confidence,” that if held by your child, will hopefully keep them modest and far from arrogant.
Belief 1: Confidence does not mean that people have to like you. Actually, confidence has nothing to do with other people; it only has to do with you. Confidence is created and maintained by you believing in who you are and who you can become, while accepting all parts of you, including your strengths and weaknesses. True confidence is not caring whether people like you or not, but it is exemplified by being equally respectful to those that do and those that don’t.
Belief 2: Although confidence is typically a necessary precursor to success, success is not always the result of confidence. Those with true confidence accept the fact that their self-assurance will not always result in achievement.
Belief 3: Confidence is your strength that helps to aid you through challenges. True confidence enables you to push past obstacles, exhaustion, stress and doubt.
Belief 4: The key to confidence is preparation. It is hard to feel positive about something that is unknown or confusing to you. When you have devoted enough time to understanding all facets of any challenge you may face in a single day, it is then that you will feel truly reassured that you are qualified for and have done enough groundwork to take on the hurdle in your view.
Belief 5: Confident people are not those people with all the answers, rather they are the ones willing to ask the questions. An individual who possess true confidence is someone who is curious, open-minded and accepting others’ points of view. Those that are genuinely confident aren’t scared of being “wrong”.
Belief 6: Confident people are always trying to be brave and they understand that to encourage more of their own trust in self, that they need to be courageous and try new things.
Belief 7: Confident people believe in the power of a smile to evoke morale amongst oneself and others. Truly confident people use their smile to ignite others’ spirits and allow other people’s smiles to ignite their own.
Above anything else, your presence and the quality of it, in your child’s life affects his/her confidence. Make sure that you are instilling in them the aforementioned beliefs and the best way to do that is to exemplify this kind of respectful and humble self-confidence in your own life.